i'm done writing here... i know i just started to come back, but something tells me that if i keep writing, people will only think less of me. i'm not saying avoiding what is really there is the way i should go, but it's really the only way i know how to go... all my life i've ran away from that which has scared me, away from that which i feel i'll fail at, and hide in the corner darkness of the night trying to be invisible.

life isn't about being invisible, or visible, it's not about failure or acheivement, it's not about any of that. it's simply trying to find "a small measure of peace that we all go searching for but few of us ever find." i'm not expecting myself to ever be understood, or any of my actions to make sense... but i'm changing xangas for the time being... unless i give you the url you probably won't be able to track me down. but i'm done with trying to express myself, and getting people giving me grief or anything along those lines. i'll say this only once, i know most people i've come to meet in my life will never truly understand the trials i put myself through every hour of every waking day.

you couldn't understand the lies i've told, how much i hate myself, how much i wake up wanting to sun to just disappear, or how pleasant experiencing joy is for when it shows up. how peaceful the pitter-patter of the rain is when it hits the ground. you couldn't understand how much i've come to appreciate and rarely share, life is about learning, making every lesson worth while, and all experience memorable... we are what we make of ourselves, the answer you go searching for is: what do you want for yourself?

all my love, ~paperdoll